What NOT to Say to Someone With an Eating Disorder.
2016-04-21 @ 16:42:00No, it's not as simple as "just to eat more." Why do you think it's such a widespread illness? It's really difficult to get well from an eating disorder. It's horrible and stressful.
Instead, do this: Try to be understanding. You shouldn't say you understand what the person is going through, because you don't, but be sure the person understands that you're always there, supports and doesn't judge neither the persons actions or thoughts.
A person with an eating disorder constantly compares herself with others and seeking for other people's comments. To hear that someone is thinner may be the worst thing to hear for an anorexic. For someone who don't understand - you could compare it if your boyfriend told you, "she is much sexier / prettier than you are!". This person identifies oneself with her/his body, numbers on the scale, how little they eat and so on. They ARE the eating disorder. If they hear this comment they're will be sure to loose more weight. Fast. And much.
Instead, say this: "You both look really sick. It's not beautiful." It may seem harsh saying to someone that they're not beautiful, but it's not beautiful to look like a sickly skeleton. It's really not. However, be sure to point out that it's the eating disorder you don't find beautiful. It's important that the person feel appreciated despite the disease. Instead, encourage the person's good sides that is not about appearance.
A comment with the best of intentions, but like last point - do not focus on appearance. Just don't. A person with an eating disorder or in recovery will hear it literally as "you've become fat!"
Instead, say this: "You seem so much more energetic now a days! I'm really happy to spend time with the lovely (name) again! I've missed you!"
It's really difficult to live together with an eating disorder. But be sure to never lose the will power, even if it seems hopeless sometimes. Together you have to be stronger than the eating disorder.
Instead, do this: If the person, for an example, does not eat the dinner, then tell them "I'll sit right here with you until you finish your dinner! I don't really have the time, but nothing is more important to me than you eating and feeling good." Make sure to hang out with the person for a while afterwards, so you don't leave the person by her/him own handling all the anxiety after challenging the eating disorder.
Do I even have to explain how triggering this comment are? I couldn't care less how much you need or want to lose weight, to ask a person with an eating disorder for "tips" is just sick. For real.
Instead, do this: Don't talk about weight. Simple as that.
Don't comment on what or how the person with an eating disorder eat when you sit together. A lot of people find it incredibly challenging to get comments leading the food in focus of conversation.
Instead, do this: Don't talk about things that concern food or weight.
Never adapt for someone with an eating disorder. For example, if it's time for dessert at a party to dessert. If the choice is given, it is obvious that the person with an eating disorder declines. I thought (read eating disorder thought) I never deserved to treat myself. If people around took for granted that I wouldn't eat sweets, thoughts such as "if not even other people think I should eat that..." began spinning in my head. Which might instead lead to me cutting down on the food even more that day.
Instead, say this: "I chose to bake this because I know how much you love it. If you could just take a little piece it would make me really happy! If you like it, you should eat of it like everyone else! " The person is very likely to decline, but never give options just to avoid conflicts at, for example, a family dinner. Be honest and straight, even though it may end with outbreaks from the anorectic.
It might be obvious to most of you guys, but it is never the persons fault that he or she suffers from an eating disorder. You never choose to get sick. Did the person refuse to eat at a fast food restaurant? And is now completely exhausted because she or he have been without food way too long? Yeah, ofc, the person refused to eat, but never push the person down with comments like the one above. I can assure you that the person puts her/himself down daily already due to the eating disorder.
Instead, say this: "I'll buy you something to eat at the next stop. Then I can buy myself a donut!" The eating disorder biggest fear, someone else is going to decide what to eat. The donut? An example, but people suffering from eating disorders often find it hard to be the only one in the group that's eating. And also, if you eat something even more unhealthy than the suffered will find it easier to eat whatever she or he is eating. An eating disorders voice is complex, to say the least.
du är så jävla bra, vet du det? <3
Ett så himla bra och viktigt inlägg! Finns många saker folk säger, ibland välmenande, som bara är destruktivt för den ätstörde. Jag skulle dock vara försiktig med att lämna kommentarer som rör utseende eller vikt överhuvudtaget, enligt egen erfarenhet blir kommentarer i stil med "du ser helt utmärglad/sjuk ut" för vissa bara en boost, typ "så säger de bara för att de är avundsjuka" eller "yay, precis vad jag vill höra, jag vill vara så smal att det syns, att folk reagerar med fasa och chock, IN YOUR FACES!" alternativt bara: "det stämmer inte alls, jag är sjukt fet, de försöker bara lura mig att fortsätta vara det".
Jag tycker ingen skall kommentera andras utseende på något vis; varför gör man det? Det hör inte till någon annan än en själv hur man ser ut! "Du ser så smal ut, har du anorexi" har jag hört tiotals gånger från främmande människor. Ja, so what jag är smal vad tillhör det dig? Förstår inte.. Ursäkta att jag redovisar såhär rakt ut men vad kan man säga till den andra eller helst av allt sluta? Kommentar nr. 3 angår nog inte mig; jag tycker bara om om någon säger att jag ser bra/bättre/hälsosammare ut. Kommentar nr 1ioch8 är nog den värsta.
Så fruktansvärt bra inlägg! Jag har själv haft UNS i flera år (innan dess hade jag bulimi) och man analyserar sönder ALLT som andra säger. Kan man hitta något negativt (eller vända det till något negativt) så gör man det.
Du har varit så jäkla grym som kommit så här långt!! <3<3<3<3